What about Mini Owners?

So what do you do if you know someone who owns a Mini? What do you do to them? Do they get to punch everybody they see, or should it be the reverse and we get to punch them every time we see them?

I am not, as of yet, a proud Mini owner. Well, at least not the owner of a Mini that you can actually drive. So as a non-owner (and as someone who has recently lost their mojo and is getting punched on a regular basis) I think non-owners should get to punch the bejesus out of Mini owners. I'm talking like 15 punches to the shoulder.*

Andy thinks this is excessive.

Andy thinks that Mini owners should be exempt. What a softie!

It's not that I don't have a heart. I personally know two Mini owners. I like one of them, I don't like the other. And while the thought of hitting the one that I like 15 times doesn't necessarily appeal to me, it kinda makes me feel all warm and fuzzy on the inside thinking about punching the one that I don't like.

I swear I'm not sadistic.

What do you think, Punch-Mini readers? This rule is not yet set in stone, so have your say and help to influence the world's best in-car game!

*This opinion may change when I buy my gold Mini. Hey I'm allowed to change my mind; call it creative license.

Return of the Bug

Seriously - where did all these VW Bugs come from? It seems that the moment I mention that I never see them around, that's all I see. When we were out and about yesterday, we saw like 5 in the mall parking lot alone. This has been the case for the last week or so...I see Minis, but I see way more Bugs.

Maybe I'm just noticing them a little more because of what I wrote? Or maybe my missing mojo is sending out thousands of new Bugs on the road?

I still managed to connect 2 punches with dear Andy's shoulder. Hee hee hee.

My favourite Mini colour

Thank you to those who voted in my little quiz. The favourite Mini colour amongst you was Chili Red. And I don't blame you. As far as the traditional colours go, it's my favourite too! (Although the more I see of British Racing Green, the more I like it; I think it's a sign of getting old!)

But in all honestly, my absolute favourite colour, hands down, has to be this custom gold one I saw. It was a company car - Benson & Hedges to be exact. And even though it was out glamorizing the tobacco industry and hawking ciggies to passersby, it really was a beautiful colour for the Mini. It looked chic and perfectly urban, or would that be urbane. Nevermind.

So even though it would have to be a custom colour, if the world were made of whipped cream and chocolate sauce and I could have my Mini any colour, I would have to choose Metallic Gold. *wink-wink, nudge-nudge*

But I guess I'd need my licence before I could drive my Mini Gold Nugget.

They have arrived

Our Mini t-shirts came in the mail the other day! I was tracking them online and I called Andy to make sure he opened the package while I was on the phone with him. God bless the internet and being able to spend money on your lunch hour!

Good service, great turn around and quick delivery - would you expect any less of the Motherland? The link to the store is on your left.

So in case you didn't now, you can purchase Mini stuff that doesn't include 4 wheels and racing stripes. They have some great shirts and other stuff, although I think they need to add a leather notebook so Punch-Mini players can keep track of their games in a branded book.

So yeah, if you can't buy a Mini you can at least look like you own one. And it's always better to look good than to feel good dah-ling!

Have you seen my Mojo?

So on Sunday night we were driving around an extremely target-rich environment in Toronto (College West) and Andy was annihilating me. He was punching me left and right, in the car and while we were walking on the street. I just couldn't get a break.

And then it all became clear.

I think I have lost my Punch-Mini Mojo.

I know; it's very sad for me to admit this. But friends, ever since I started writing this blog and sharing my game with the world, my ability to play it has tanked. The best I've been able to do is enact the PMPP on a premature punch from Andy. Sure I have gotten in the odd punch here and there, but my overall skills in the game have truly suffered as of late.

Maybe it's the stress and burden of the responsibility that now rests on my shoulders? Maybe I've become more preoccupied with managing the rules of the game than actually playing it? Maybe this is the price I have to pay for sharing this game with the world? Whatever the reason, I wish it would stop. I miss performing at the peak of my powers.

I miss my Mojo. If you see it, please tell it to come home.

My Rant on the Clubman

OK so here goes. I really don't understand how the Mini people, who got it so right with the Mini Cooper, got it so wrong with the Clubman. It is one of the ugliest things I have seen on the road since we accidentally ran over the neighbours' dog. (J/K on the dog part)

It looks like a hearse. That's the long and the short of it. Yeah yeah, so it holds more stuff and has more seating, blah blah blah whatever!

If you want a Mini, get a Mini. You need to realize that in order to have a car of such extreme cuteness, there are a few things you are going to have to forgo. Like an enormous amount of cargo room. Yes, that means you'll have to get your Ikea purchases delivered, but you will look oh so sweet when you go to grab your Sunday afternoon lattes.

I will admit that the doors at the back are kinda cool and I always like a suicide door, but over all it's a horrible, horrible car and cannot be considered for inclusion in Punch-Mini.

Sorry Mini people.

If a mini drives in the forest...

...and there is no one there to see it, does it still make you punch?

I was asked recently about Virtual Punching. What's with that? Virtual Punching (or VP) includes, but is not limited to:

• taking a pic with your cell of a Mini that you see when you are alone and sending it to a Punch-Mini player with the words "Punch-Mini" in the title
• finding a model of a Mini (or a Hot Wheels) and punching the person beside you
• seeing a Mini on TV or on a computer and punching the person beside you
• seeing a Mini ad in a magazine or newspaper and using that to punch
• looking at a poster of Mini
  
• ect...

Kiddies, I have been a victim of a few of these punches myself. *looks over in Andy's direction* So let's be clear.

There are no VPs in Punch-Mini.

In order to punch, you must be looking at an actual Mini and there has to be a person beside you, preferably one that you know. (strangers generally don't tend to appreciate random people punching them on the street, trust me on that one)

Even though the idea of VP is intriguing, where is the fun in it. I see loads of Minis when I am on my own. So I take a picture with my cell phone and I send it to Andy - it lacks something...the satisfaction of the fist on shoulder contact.

The purpose of this game is not trying to rack up as many Mini sightings as possible; it's about beating your fellow player to the, um, punch.

mmmmm...Racing Stripes

Who isn't a big fan of racing stripes? I mean a Mini without racing stripes just doesn't seem complete - the front was made for those two speedy lines to race across the bonnet, as if saying to all the other cars, "Look how fast I can go!"

I love racing stripes; usually white but sometimes black, they are definitely worth the extra $130. I mean if you are buying a Mini anyways, what is an extra $130 by that point?

In terms of the Punch-Mini game, racing stripes are an added bonus...and added bonus of punchocity! If the Mini that you see has them, feel free to punch the person beside you twice while saying, "Punch-Mini Racing stripes!!!" If the Puncher misses the racing stripes, then the Punchee can punch the Puncher once for missing the racing stripes.

Got it? Good!

Now it's official.

I got nailed this morning

...and not in the good way.

I must have put on my bubble of oblivion this morning because on the drive to the subway, Andy got me 3 times. And they were really obvious ones too, ones that I normally wouldn't miss.

Andy: British racing green to your right- BAM!

Me: What? Where? Oh yeah.

Andy: Metalic Blue up ahead - BAM!

Me: Where? No! Aww man!

Andy: Chilli Red on my left - BAM!

Me: Holee Molee!

How could I let that happen?

And on that note friends, don't forget to vote on your favourite Mini colour; seeing the British racing green one today made me reconsider mine.

And now...the Premature Punch

Given the last post, you can understand why I might be a little quick on the punch sometimes. Andy is pretty fast; you have to have lighting quick reflexes. So there have been occasions where I have thrown the erroneous, premature punch.

I know, it IS shameful.

So Andy and I have debated for a long time on this one. We needed to develop some kind of punishment for a punch thrown based on rash and inaccurate observation. But what kind, who and how often?

Enter the tv show How I Met You Mother and the Episode "Slap Bet".

If you haven't seen this show you really have to record it. And you need to find this episode; it is one of the funniest 24.5 minutes of television since Friends. Here is a flavour of Slap Bet; Watch
So, in honour of Slap Bet, I present to you the definition and punishment for a Premature Punch:

A Premature Punch is a punch thrown and connected while calling "Punch-Mini" when the vehicle in question is not actually a Mini Cooper or Mini Cooper S (again, for the sake of Punch-Mini, the Clubman does not, I repeat, DOES NOT count).

The Punchee (the person erroneously pounded) must call out "Premature" in order to initiate the Punch-Mini Punishment Process (PMPP). The Puncher must choose between one of two punishments: 1) 6 punches in succession from the Punchee immediately, or 2) 3 punches from the Punchee at any time following the Premature Punching event. The Puncher and the Punchee are trusted to moderate the situation. The only location suitable for the punch is the shoulder.

So now you know how to handle the Premature Punch. And now that the rules are official, I fear that Andy will be hanging onto his Gold medal performance this year and I will be walking around with a sore shoulder.

The Perils of Punch-Mini

I hate to say it, but there is a chance that you may get hurt when playing Punch-Mini. But this is the price that you sometimes have to pay. Take for example the time I got walloped.

Andy and I were walking to Starbucks one afternoon. We were having a pretty good session of Punch-Mini , I think I was leading 2 - 1. Then up ahead I saw what I thought was a Mint coloured Mini. But you see friends, I hesitated because who in their right mind would want a Mint coloured Mini, right?

The rest seemed to happen in slow motion. Realizing that yes, that was indeed a Mint Mini, I clenched my fist and started to turn my body in order to have maximum contact with my dear Andy's shoulder. But you see, he was that fraction of a second ahead of me and had already started to swing. So as I turned into him, his fist connected not with the intended target of my shoulder, oh no, it did not. His fist connected instead with my boob. If any stranger on the street had seen this, they would have thought he was wailing me; might even have called the cops.

Instead I hugged my mauled mammary, doubled over in extreme pain and yet somehow laughing so hard I almost pee'd my pants. Andy felt really bad, but he got me good that time.

So be aware kiddies; (s)he who hesitates is punched. And if you do hesitate, don't turn into the punch-punch sideways or with your opposite hand.

The other Co-Creator

It's probably time to introduce you to the other Co-Creator of Punch-Mini. When I came up with this fantastically amazing idea, I needed someone to punch the idea off of. Little did he know what he was getting himself into.

He's the yang to my yin, my co-pilot in the car and in life, my partner in punch and, unfortunately for me, the reigning gold medalist world Punch-Mini champion, my Andy.

He was there for the first punch, he's landed a few of his own and we are constantly bouncing rule refinements off each other in order to make this game the best it can be.

I might even let him post here. (I said might baby)

Are you sick of the schmoopiness yet?

The Official Rules of Punch-Mini

The first rule of Punch-Mini is there are no rules.

(Sorry, I couldn't help myself)

Ah-ha, so the basic rules of Punch-Mini are pretty simple. First you have to see a Mini, then you are allowed to haul off and punch the person beside you and say, "Punch-Mini!" (The "...no punch backs" is implied) Whoever punches first gets the point.

While the game originated in the car, you could be out walking or looking out a window with binoculars at the mall parking lot on Christmas Eve.

Any colour of Mini Cooper or Mini Cooper S qualifies but the Mini Clubman does not, I repeat, DOES NOT qualify for Punch-Mini. (I'm sure I'll get into THAT sticky subject later)

And that's it. You can keep track over days, weeks, months. Or not. For me it's not the overall score that really matters, but the act of punching.

So that's the basics. I'll get into some of the finer points in another few posts.

Have fun mes amis!

What is Punch-Mini?

I'll be the first to admit it, I'm not the most creative person. Punch-Mini is a variation on a game that many of us played during long car rides as a child: Punch Buggy. Don't you remember sitting in the backseat of your parent's car, when suddenly you saw a VW Bug up ahead. Glancing around to the rest of your family in the car, you realized that no one else had seen it yet. So you'd carefully select the most unassuming person in the car (usually your younger brother or sister) and you hauled off and punched them as hard as you could while yelling out;

"Punch Buggy no punch backs!!!!!"

This was usually followed by a yelp or a scream and your own self-satisfied grin. Ah yes, those were the good ol' days.

But even with the launch of the updated VW bug, buggy sightings are still pretty few and far between. (I personally blame the colours that they offer, but whateves). Now usually I find myself in the passenger seat, and it's not that I don't find enough to amuse myself with, but playing the Punch Buggy game with my fiancé provided minimal punching opportunities.

Enter the Mini Cooper.

Oh the beautiful Mini Cooper; red with racing stripes and black leather interior. What a beautiful sight to behold. Compact, retro, parking where your car can't park. Cute as a button. If I had a car, well, my friends, this would be the one.

One day in the passenger seat, the thought struck me that there were way more Minis around than Bugs and that this would make the Punch Buggy game much more interesting. If you stop and think about it (and now you will) you probably see at least 1 Mini per trip. (I live in the city, so they are pretty popular here. Hey maybe you could replace it with a Pick-Up in some other parts. There, I just made up another new game, no need to thank me; I'll give you that one).

Anyways, so I calmly waited, looking around for a Mini. It wasn't long until I saw one and my head filled with the same glee that I had been filled with as a child. I clenched my fist. I took aim. Then I hauled off and punched my unassuming fiancé in the arm and screamed:

"PUNCH-MINI NO PUNCH BACKS!!!!!!"

And that friends is how the game was born.

Punch-Mini?

Whoa! They say you always remember your first time. Your first kiss, your first communion, your first, well, you know. So kiddies, I know you'll remember your first Punch-Mini too.

Just wait 'til I have a few minutes to get you started :)

Consider yourself PUNCHED!